3/16/05
The Grouch here.
Somehow it's fallen on me to review albums twice a week for EPMS, concentrating on local releases. When there are no local CD's to shred to pieces, I'll be reviewing relatively obscure national releases, new or old, at my whim.
I'm an anonymous working musician, having played in front of fawning audiences for almost twenty years. I've a college degree and, unsettlingly, a day job of sorts. If I told you who I was, you'd be tempted to confront me next time we ran into each other. And as much as I relish that thought, I want to spare you the ignominy of getting shredded in person as well as online.
Since bad press is better than no press at all, suck it up and send us two copies of your magnum opus. I'll tell you exactly how much you suck, and post it for all of El Paso to see.
I'll be grading albums on three scales, and it ought to be evident which scale I'm using by the tone. The most stringent can be seen on my first review of the new The Mars Volta release, reserved for national releases.
The second scale applies to established bands that consistently make cash playing live music. I will assume they are looking for a major label contract and will frame my criticism from the point of view of the A&R person who wants to sign them.
The third scale is for up-and-coming acts and will stress the positives and make suggestions for avenues of improvement.
I am not a reporter. I don't care that the bassist has been replaced four times since the CD was released or your guitar player recently took a two week course in hairspray at Berkeley. I am only reviewing the CD as provided with the information found in the liner notes. If you want me to be a reporter, start paying me a salary and I may consider placing a phone call.
If you are a great fan of some band, anybody that hasn't gone gold, and you take the time and spend the money to send me a copy of a CD, I will review it. I may only give it a couple lines, but I'll do it. In keeping with the theme of EPMS, local and regional bands are greatly preferred and will receive preferred treatment.
Feel free to complain on our Forum. I feel free to ignore you.
The Grouch
